Hesitate
遲疑
吳星瑩
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「我心裡有著自己的地圖，即使那要翻過牆，踩進溝隙，沒有人懂我為何要走到那裡去。」
～《內在森林》爬牆虎植物誌～
「直到我終於，也許早曾被別人清楚告知，也許我內心早已隱約知曉，
但我終於確認，那就是我的答案。」～《蒔：心靈時曆‧時映》
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我總是無法在早該離開的時候，就離開。
總是拖到最後一刻，當一切不得不，我才終於決定。
連我也不知道那到底是不是我的決定，還是直到讓周遭決定了我。
如果問我究竟在遲疑什麼？我想我只是在等著什麼也許仍會改變，而不是輕易就去到另一個那裡。
這裡還有什麼等著我必須完成。
直到我確定，我的離開，不只對我好，也對彼此比較好，我才離得開。
或許，真正屬於我的位置，不在任何地方，卻是在任何地方，都成為一個用心的過客。
比起我想做什麼，如果我還有什麼沒做，我會更遺憾。
努力直到最後的人最傻，卻也最瀟灑，當我真正必須離開那一刻。
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I just can't leave earlier at the exact moment.
I always hesitate until it's late, as I have no choice but to leave.
Thus I can never tell it's decided by me, or I'm decided by it.
I can never tell if I've ever decided. I seem to still await something to change, as if there's still a chance to change if I keep waiting for it.
As if I can't go there until I'm complete here.
I just can't leave until I make it complete, not only for me but for all.
Perhaps I just don't belong to somewhere. The exact place for me is in between. Between about to leave and haven't left yet, I always stay with all my heart.
I'll surely regret more if I still have something to do but haven't, than that I hope to do something but can't.
Thus I always hesitate to the last moment. The one striving the longest seems silliest yet freest. With no hesitation, I leave as it's time at last.
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Cold Dew: Lingering
KEYWORD
by Singing Wu
by Singing Wu
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