Disguise
偽裝
吳星瑩
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「這世界由太多虛假構成，可怕的是總偽裝真實。」
～《內在森林》復活草植物誌～
「我們還是用著夏季的方式，盡情揮灑，甚至更加盡力。
我已失去了熱情，卻為了維持現況，耗去更多來掩飾，挪移更多來代償。」～《蒔：心靈時曆‧時映》
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我以為自己最不在乎的，其實可能是最在乎的。
我偽裝自己不在乎，你的始終輕忽，卻因此無法擁抱，你的偶然討好。我在應該開心的時候，才忽然憤怒。
於是你始終無法明白，我在乎什麼。你說我冷熱無常，你說是我不正常。
其實，是我一直偽裝得太正常，是我太刻意維持我們的正常。
最大的偽裝是，我連自己都騙過去了。
於是你始終不用，也沒有機會努力。於是我始終不能，也沒有機會無力。
原來最讓我在乎的是，你一直不是不能，只是你不想。
原來無論我如何努力，也無法扭轉後來。因為一開始，如果我接受你說，這很正常。
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I don't care for what I care about.
Since you don't care about my disappointment, so do myself. Yet I can't satisfy you when you try to satisfy me on the spur of the moment. I can only feel angry while you try to make me happy once in a while.
So you can't take good care of me. You say it's hard to predict the weather of my heart.
Perhaps the regular sunny days we maintain is actually the most irregular of all.
I am actually disguised under the guise of myself.
So you can do nothing while I can't do nothing in our tug of war.
The truth is I do care about your being careless while you pretend to be powerless.
The truth is all I do will be useless if I keep disguising the worst of you into the best.
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5 days after the Limit of Heat: Ambiguity
KEYWORD
by Singing Wu
by Singing Wu
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