Waste

辜負

吳星瑩

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我痛恨自己總是學不會收手,也許我最無能為力的,是我對你們的愛。

~《內在森林》香蒲植物誌~

只有在深深的黑暗裡,我才不會錯認光。光是一雙雙眼睛,深深地凝視我。
我在對面一雙雙眼睛裡,看見了,我也是光。

~《蒔:心靈時曆‧時映》

消散:大暑一候|腐草裡亮起一盞盞螢光

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如果你道歉,只為了想被原諒。

那麼,你仍然只想讓自己好過,你仍然不在乎,我難不難過。

如果你道歉,只為了想讓我繼續對你好。

其實,我無論如何都會繼續對你好。即使我痛罵你,痛恨你,也都因為我仍然希冀著,一個你變好的可能。而我早就知道,是我的善良,讓我自己被傷害。我也早就明白,是我相信你,才讓我自己失望。

這是我和自己的事。如果要說抱歉,你真正辜負的,是我給予的愛。

你真正能用來償還的,卻也是你最欠缺的愛。拒絕愛的你,遑論回報我,你連自己都回報不了。

除非你終於懂得了愛,縱然與我無關了,我的愛,卻才不曾浪費。

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You apologize to me to be forgiven.

Then you still care about yourself. You still don't care about me.

You apologize to me to be cared about.

I care about you anyway, even with anger, or with hatred, for a hope you will be different. I knew already I'm hurt by my own innocence, and I am disappointed by my own trust.

Thus it's a debt only between myself and me. You can never apologize to my love.

You can never repay my love, for you have no love to give. You refuse to love, thus you are refused by love.

I couldn't care less, unless you learned afterward what love is, not just switched in love or out of love. Thus my love given was not a waste.

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Great Heat: Dispersing

KEYWORD
by Singing Wu

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清明三候|澄澈


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